What is Perfectionism?

What is Perfectionism and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

Perfectionism is a compulsive pattern of behavior and thought that may begin in childhood as part of one’s natural traits or arise through circumstances and stress. It is only a problem if it has a detrimental effect on one's quality of life or conflicts with personal values. Those who have a serious problem with perfectionism often struggle with low self-esteem, repressed feelings, insecurity or shame. Trying to be perfect is not a conscious choice and, for those who are coping with chronic stress, it may become a long-term pattern of trying to maintain excellence in many areas of life.

Types of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a multifaceted trait that can manifest in various ways.

1. Self-Oriented Perfectionism: This type involves setting unrealistically high personal standards and striving for flawlessness in one's own work and actions. Individuals with self-oriented perfectionism often push themselves to excel and can be self-critical if they perceive any shortcomings.

2. Other-Oriented Perfectionism: This form revolves around holding others to extremely high standards. People with other-oriented perfectionism may be critical of the work or behavior of those around them, seeking perfection not only for themselves but also for others in their sphere.

3. Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: This type emerges when individuals believe that others expect them to be perfect. The perceived pressure from external sources, such as family, peers, or society, can lead to anxiety, fear of failure, and a constant need to meet these perceived expectations.

4. Excellence-Seeking Perfectionism: This type involves pursuing excellence and high achievement rather than unattainable perfection. While it may not have the negative implications of other types, it can still create stress due to the pursuit of high goals.

5. Adaptive Perfectionism: Unlike the more problematic forms, adaptive perfectionism involves setting high standards and striving for excellence while maintaining a healthy balance. Individuals with adaptive perfectionism can handle setbacks, view mistakes as learning opportunities, and maintain a positive self-image.

Are All Personality Traits the Same?

There are two types of perfectionists. Overt perfectionists are easy to see; they are orderly, organized and a little uptight. They may be critical of others and hard to please. Some overt perfectionists are focused on social standards and how others should be.

Covert perfectionists do not appear perfect in many areas of life but have mental committees of critics. Covert perfectionists pressure themselves to be better, are very self-critical, make comparisons to others and often feel that they don’t measure up. They are especially challenged by relationships in which they do not feel adequate or good enough. Coverts tend to be more self-oriented—more concerned about their own performance than others.

Are Perfectionist Tendencies Serious?

Perfectionism has been linked to anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. It is also related to lower relationship satisfaction and fear of intimacy.

How Does Perfectionistic Behavior Impact Relationships?

Perfectionists are sensitive and defensive about making mistakes or being blamed or criticized. They avoid vulnerability and openness and try not to appear flawed or bad. Since intimacy requires openness with emotions, their relationships may be superficial and focused on doing things for their partners rather than just being close. Some may also appear superior, expecting things to be done a certain way to the point of demeaning a partner.

How Does Perfectionism Impact Family Life?

The overt perfectionist may become an enforcer or teacher rather than a loving parent. They value doing what is right or correct rather than allowing children to learn from mistakes and develop their own identities. At times it may seem that the parent's self-esteem is dependent on the success of the child. Some children will rebel; others will try to comply while hiding their imperfections and doubts from their parent.

How to Address Perfectionistic Traits?

Change is a three-stage process. First perfectionists need to see and evaluate the pitfalls of perfectionism and how it began. If it is not a problem, it doesn't need to change. If it is causing problems or is not a reflection of your values, it is important to make changes. The second step, called Becoming Me, charges perfectionists to looks closely at who they really are. It is important to be real and slowly practice letting others see who you are. The third step is to let go of expectations and forgive yourself for past mistakes. It is a time to begin accepting yourself and others.

Work with a Caron Professional Today to Manage Perfectionistic Tendencies

If you’re struggling with various forms of perfectionism, from self-critical perfectionism to high personal standards, our experts at Caron specialize in managing perfectionistic tendencies, helping you break free from the shackles of fear of failure, relentless negative self-talk, and the burden of unattainably high expectations. Through targeted strategies such as cognitive behavioral therapy and nurturing self-compassion, we'll guide you in transforming your mental health journey. Embark on a path towards self-growth, resilience, and liberation from the constraints of perfectionism and its related challenges like rumination and social anxiety. Contact us today to learn more about treatment options.